


Cold As Snow (But Just As Soft)

by Gothic_Lolita



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 Fills - WinterIron Trash [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Tony Stark Bingo 2019, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 01:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17819426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothic_Lolita/pseuds/Gothic_Lolita
Summary: Tony hated winter and the memories that came with it. He hated visiting cold graves and dead bodies.But sometimes, it was worth the while.-For the Tony Stark Bingo 2019, Square K5: Graveyards





	Cold As Snow (But Just As Soft)

**Author's Note:**

> My first bingo entry, yaaaay. Hopefully, I'll get an actual bingo by the end of this.
> 
> WinterIron if you squint, but not really.

Tony hated winter.

Even after spending months held captive in a desert, he hated it. He hated the way the cold bit at his skin, he hated the way the wind filled his head with an awful static. Even the beautiful, untouched blankets that covered the ground Tony hated. They were a reminder of innocence and purity. Things Tony wasn’t allowed to have any more.

It wasn’t all bad though. The low temperatures gave Tony an excuse for why his hands shook as he walked through the snow, as he tried to ignore the deafening wind. There were times Tony wanted to scream into that wind, scream until it tore out his throat and he didn’t have to think about talking anymore. Tony talked to fill the silence, but sometimes he wanted even himself to just shut up already. 

The wind picked up and Tony almost stumbled against it. It made the flowers in his hands rustle. Tony tightened his grip on them. Not that he needed to, his knuckles were already a bright white from his hand being in too tight of a fist.

Why did Howard insist on a plot at the top of the hill, away from all the others? Elitist bastard.

Tony climbed the hill though, passing the other graves, the other names. It was easy to get lost in a graveyard. So many slabs of stone that seemed insignificant when they were one among many. When Tony was younger, right after Maria and Howard had died and their plots were still fresh, he’d spent hours in that graveyard. But never with Howard and Maria. That wound had been too fresh. He’d been too angry to even be able to look at their names, he screamed whenever he saw them on the news. 

So instead Tony had spent time near the other graves. Memorized every other name and date. He used to talk to them sometimes too, imagine up the life stories of all the different bodies he stood above. It was a strange, possibly unhealthy coping mechanism, but it made Tony feel less alone, even if just for a few hours.

But Tony was over that now. Mostly, anyway. He could stand in front of Maria and Howard without ripping his own hair out, and only sometimes wanted to smash the headstone to bits. But he only felt like that when he looked at Howard’s name. 

If Tony could, he’d have given Maria a separate grave. A better one, under the old oak tree in their backyard where she and Tony would sit for hours and hours, telling stories and laughing together. They were some of the best memories Tony had, as innocent and pure as fallen snow.

Maria deserved better. She deserved better than to be buried next to the man who screamed at her whenever he got too drunk, the man she had to hide her only child from on darker nights when Howard wanted something to bruise his knuckles on. Tony remembered being scared, sitting in her lap and crying softly as they hid in a closet, far away from Howard’s deranged fits. 

Maria tried so hard to be brave in the face of cruelty. And yet here she was, lying next to him as her final resting place.

Tony sighed when he finally reached the top of the hill, staring at the headstone. It was tall and grand, just looking at it made Tony want to vomit. Even so, he moved closer to crouch in front of the most important name he knew.

“Hey, madre.” Tony ran his fingers over her name. 

Tony could imagine her smile, her warm eyes lighting up as she reached out to run her fingers through Tony’s hair and tell him how handsome and mature he looked.

“It’s been a while,” Tony said. He cleared his throat. “I’ve been busy. Avengers stuff. Fixing the Accords, getting everyone back together. It’s… tough.”

If Maria were standing in front of Tony she would smile, soft and sad. She’d tell him how strong and selfless he was and how he always carried more than he could. He could practically imagine her saying it. 

_ I’m proud of you, bambino. _

“Yeah well, you’re in a minority.” Tony felt like an idiot. Talking to himself, sitting in front of a gravestone. When did he become so pathetic? “Not even good ol’ Captain America is on my sides these days.”

Tony could picture Maria rolling her eyes with a scoff. _If your father’s false idol is anything like him, his opinions shouldn’t chalk up to much, my ‘Tonio._

Tony drew in a slow, ragged breath. Either Maria was right, or Tony was just projecting too hard. Likely both, if he was being honest. “I’m just… trying to do what’s best for the Avengers. I want to protect them. I want to protect everyone.”

_And you’re already doing such a good job. You must let yourself rest sometimes. Things will sort themselves out._ If he closed his eyes, Tony could practically feel Maria running her hand over his face, brushing a tear from his cheek. _I love you, Tony._

“I love you too, mammina.” Tony stood up. He set the flowers down. Tony always found the act of putting flowers at a grave stupid. A dead person couldn’t appreciate them, and they’d just get taken away by the workers.

But he remembered Maria holding Tony’s hand as they walked up to Ana Jarvis’ grave, as she put down pipacs, telling Tony that they were Ana’s favorite and reminded her of her childhood home. 

White lilies. Those were Maria’s favorite, so they were the ones Tony put down on her grave.

Tony closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. Out, and in. Like his therapist told him. 

Footsteps. That was the one good thing about snow. Tony heard the crunching footsteps coming up behind him. And he didn’t need too many guesses to know who it was.

“I know you’re there,” Tony said, slipping his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. He glanced over his shoulder to stare at Bucky.

Bucky wouldn’t look at Tony and instead stared at his thick boots buried in the snow, arms wrapped around his own body. “I didn’t mean to- I’m sorry. I should’ve known you would be here.”

Tony shook his head. “No, it’s fine. You have the right to grieve their deaths too.” He ran a hand through his hair. The silence was deafening. “I forgive you, you know,” Tony whispered. “I did a while ago. It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t blame you for it.” He cleared his throat. “It’s just… god, some days I can’t even look at you.”

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded slowly. His voice broke. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“She would’ve liked you, you know,” Tony said. “He- Howard always talked about Steve. Went on and on about the great Captain America. But my mom, she cared more about the little guy. The forgotten heroes.”

Bucky blinked. “You think I’m a hero?”

“You don’t?” Tony arched an eyebrow. “Come on, you were a Howling Commando, you’re an Avenger. I don’t know how else it could be spelled out.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, he stared at the grave, lips pressed together. 

“You want a minute?” Tony asked, already starting to walk away.

“No.” Bucky shook his head. “I think I’m good.” He looked at Tony. “You wanna… go out for drinks or something? Maybe you can tell me more about Maria.”

Tony managed a soft smile. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr, I'm [WinterIron-Trash](https://winteriron-trash.tumblr.com/)


End file.
